Sir Robyn: Immortal Time-Wizard

Sir Robyn Albert Wooster of Scamps, Snuggles, & Wooster

L to R Prof. Snuggles, Sir Robyn, Prof. Scamps

He claims to be a Lawyer. He appears to be a human male in his late twenties or early thirties. He wears clothes that were obviously once very fine, but seems to have been sleeping in them in an alleyway for some time. He is routinely accompanied by two raccoons whom he calls Professors Scamps and Snuggles. These, he insists, are respected Professors of Law, and the senior partners of his firm. He will consult with them on Legal matters.

He is generally very friendly, enthusiastic about whatever troubles or obstacles might be facing his new friends (although this enthusiasm dims somewhat if the challenges are not of an immediately legal nature). He will, unless very soundly rebuffed, attempt to be helpful. Unfortunately his problem solving (outside of legal matters) tends to be very direct, solve the immediate problem, and cause several larger related problems. In diplomatic circles he inexplicably introduces himself as the "Emissary of the Bee People." In social circles he will insist that raccoons are the height of fashion, despite all evidence to the contrary.

For all his idiosyncrasies, he is a competent Lawyer if called on to practice. Mostly interested in contract law, but will serve on criminal cases if that is what is on offer. In any criminal case he is involved in, he will be representing both the prosecution and defense (however, as he explains, it is actually Professor Scamps for the prosecution, and Professor Snuggles for the defense; he is just there doing paralegal stuff). It does not matter what period of time or geography he is called to, he will have a complete working knowledge of the relevant law codes.

He seems to have an inexhaustible supply of Cocaine, which he will foist on anyone who seems the slightest bit interested/does not say no hard enough. It would be difficult to keep and sell on in bulk if not snorted immediately, due to his unorthodox delivery method.

Sir Robyn, seen here high as a goddamn kite

If asked about himself, he is extremely forthcoming. He will say that he was born in Worcestershire in 1573, graduated Law School in 1600, and currently lives on the Moon. Regardless of what campaign year it is, his answers remain the same. All these things are true.

He appears out of nowhere in a rather disconcerting manner. If a character has a business card of his, they should be able to summon him by holding the card and wishing for him to appear. He gives out business cards to most people he meets. He speaks a staggering number of languages of both human and non-human origins.

If attacked, he is relatively easy to hit (always counting as unarmored and surprised/flatfooted) and has an effective total of 1 hp. If a PC does attack him, he will instantly fall like a sack of cement [possibly staring in disbelief at the arrow in his chest/growing blossom of blood on his clothes/large stab wound/etc. before falling]. As soon as the body is inspected closely however, it is revealed to be a straw dummy somewhat like a scarecrow, with a watermelon for a head carved with a crude smiley face, and dressed in an outfit similar to that of Sir Robyn (the pockets of which contain old candy wrappers/bits of string/crumpled receipts and other detritus). It is at this point that Sir Robyn will instantly reappear behind the players and make some remark along the lines of "Oh, that looks like it hurt" or "Boy, I'm glad I'm not him". If killed multiple times, the seventh dummy will have a pumpkin for a head (if questioned why this is, Sir Robyn will answer "Well, I'm not made of watermelons!" He will always find this absurdly funny).

One of the most disconcerting things about him is his inability to remain static in the time-stream. Having uncovered the secrets of time-travel, he jaunts around looking for legal work, which means that the first time he meets the characters may not be the first time they have met him, and vice versa. This disjunction from the timestream also means he has a somewhat skewed perspective on things.

Sir Robyn is not really much of an antagonist, nor is he a helpful NPC. He is more of a force for chaos. One option for his inclusion is to allow the PCs the ability to call upon him at any point, generally the appearance of an easily distracted slightly hyperactive immortal accompanied by two raccoons will cause more problems than it solves. He can be useful as a source of information as he does know a lot and will always answer truthfully, although not always helpfully. Another thing he can theoretically do is acquire weird and wonderful items, which are more often monkey paws and come with terrible downsides.

Sir Robyn is mostly intended as a humorous annoyance, or a volatile resource. Along the lines of Bat Mite or Mister Mxyzptlk. He is generally good natured, and very willing to help. However he is at the same time remarkably self-centered, somewhat monomaniacal, and blissfully unaware of danger posed to himself or others.

He certainly cannot be defeated with brute force (and such attempts will no doubt cause him to become more interested in messing with the PCs), however there are other ways of dealing with him. For one, he genuinely wants to deal with complex legal disputes, and so finding a lot of paperwork for him to fill out whilst quickly running in the opposite direction is a good option. There are probably other ways of trapping a capricious being unbound by the laws of time and space, but to detail them would somewhat spoil the fun. There may be some form of ancient magic that may anchor him, or a particularly malicious 4 dimensional trap, or finding some other poor unfortunate to sic him on.

Sir Robyn: Endless font of dumb ideas